![]() Joy of success contributes to recognizing a personal strength Island of competence in ocean of inadequacy strengths build resilience When children convey expectations in accepting, loving and supportive ways, children are often motivated to exceeed those expectationsĮxperiencing Success: Nurturing Islands of Competence So many parents go-to is "let's fix what you're doing wrong" - this is not conducive of cultivating strength and a resilient mindset in children Full acceptance (no "I accept you, but.") is needed for establishing realistic goals Examine cases in which a child's actual behavior differs from what's hoped for or expected ![]() There's a "goodness of fit" bias for all parents based on their own personalities, temperaments, etc. Show all children that their perspective is heard and understood does not mean condoned or approved Just as children look different they have different temperaments Fairness is responding to each child based on that child's temperaments and needs Secure and appreciated children are less demandingĪccepting Our Children for Who They Are: Foundations for setting realistic goals and expectations Spend more energy loving than controlling children (how do you control yourself?) Ask yourself: Are my kids gathering strength from my words and actions? Every kid needs a charismatic adult from whom they can gather strength Feelings special and appreciated in their parents eyes leads kids to believe they are loveable and worthwhile ![]() Healthy kids believe they hold a special place in their parent's hearts they sense that their parents enjoy being with them Love is a process, a means by which we provide kids with support every day of their lives Loving Our Children in Ways that Help Them Feel Special and Appreciated ![]() Focus on realism and solving problems, not fears of the longer term or precedent setting (kids change so much) Extinction: habits weaken over time if they're not re-used and eventually go extinct Kids should not and will not be thankful for parental effort (don't expect applause) Changing words / tones / patterns is not spoiling or indulging Parenting practice is to create an environment in which kids are more likely to listen and be responsive to requests Why do we persist in parenting practices that are counter productive? Reflect: How Am I teaching empathy? How am I conveying respect? How am I modeling mistakes and losses as learning opportunities? How am I promoting self discipline?Ĭhanging the Words of Parenting: Rewriting Negative Scripts Acknowledge kids perspective and respect their views The purpose of humor is to generate warmth Kids are just as deserving of empathy as any adultĬommunicating Effectively: To Listen, to Learn, to Influence Forming friendships is foundational for resilience Empathy is foundation for communication Plant seeds of lifelong success by modeling empathy Meet life’s challenges with strength and courage Fear of mistakes is one of the most potent obstacle to learning Kids perspective on how we handle mistakes matters, key learning To foster strength, hope and optimism in children (resilience)Ĭhildren are in parent's care trying to not mess them up too bad.
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